Got this from my Friend Trish
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“so..what is marriage?”someone asked me..and if it ever crossed my mind to remarry..it is not a difficult question, really..been there, done that..so i said “no”..but if i will just follow my heart, and not reason with myself, i would answer him with a big, big “YES!” right away..i would love to spend the rest of my life with someone who will love me, it’s just that i want that person to be geared up for things to come (and myself as well)..a proposal is just the start of something enormous, blissful and complicated altogether..once you’re married, you cannot press “backspace”, “delete” or “ctrl + z” to undo it..being married is not just having a piece of paper to prove that you are into it..it is a state of mind that affects your whole life, completes you as a person, and a whole lot more..
anyhow, let me enlighten you with what marriage is all about..
. . is a commitment, first and foremost..it is an allegiance bonding two into one flesh.. it's an attempt to institutionalize love..
. . does not depend on whether you have good times or bad times together..you are still married..through sickness or health, the commitment remains..no matter what happens through the years, you are married until death do you part..
. .marriage is a covenant between two people..
. .marriages are made in heaven..but, again, as the saying goes, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail..
. .is not a static state between two unchanging people.marriage is a psychological and spiritual journey that begins in the ecstasy of attraction, meanders through a rocky stretch of self-discovery, and culminates in the creation of an intimate, joyful, lifelong union..whether or not you realize the full potential of this vision depends not on your ability to attract the perfect mate, but on your willingness to acquire knowledge about hidden parts of yourself..
. . something similar in ways to an intense, lifelong psychotherapy session: an arrangement that will expose layer after layer of your false self or character to another person, generally resulting either in a person becoming more delusional and mediocre or more enlightened..
. . an arrangement of which the purpose is for two people to help each other not only get through life, but to "find themselves" and "refine the gold" of their essential natures or souls by working through obstacles in the way of their deepest unfolding..
. .it involves respect, care, understanding, communication and a very important key factor called “love”..
what is love?we all hear and talk about it, say we do it, experience some degree of it, think, wonder, and dream about it, sing, write, gossip and read about it, feel like there’s something immensely important about it..
but to ask the basic question..what is it?
that love is wonderful and necessary,
yet no one can agree on what it is.."
have your pick among these..
. .love is something that we can never define with words, yet completely obsessed with..
. . a need, desire, sensation, craving, emotion, or appetite (such as security, loneliness, possessiveness, dependency, horniness, etc) dressed in a warm, heavy coat of wishful thinking and pretense..
. . corinthians: "Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous, or conceited, or proud; love is not ill-mannered, or selfish, or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs: love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. love never gives up: its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal."
. . plato's aristophanes: humans were originally whole and complete, both male and female, until they were divided into separate types, males and females, and were condemned to wander the world in search of their other half..love is that force that is motivating them to search for that other half..
. .something you "fall into" . . . often shortly before trying desperately to climb out of..
. .something that is "unconditional."
. .chemical: a certain temporary biochemical combination of pheromones and hormones..
. . projection theory: it is the unconscious activity of taking one's innermost highest qualities and ideals and superimposing them, or projecting them, upon another person, and then "falling" in "love" with that projection..
. .evolutionary psychology and somerset maugham: love is nature's way of fooling us into having children..
. .victor hugo: ". . . the boundless release of infinite meditation."
. .something you get from another person..
. .something you give to another person..
. .love is a battlefield..
. .the walks over soft grass. . . .the smiles over candlelight, the arguments over just about everything else..
. .the opposite of "hate."
. .love is an act of endless forgiveness..
. .it's not a big enough word to describe how we feel..
. .the key ingredient to happiness in this life..
"the heart has its reasons
which reason knows nothing of."
blaise pascal..finding real love, instead of the phony kind - is is very, very, very difficult..it might seem that everything that needs to be said about "love" has already been said.
poets and screenwriters have told stories about it..
psychologists have done research on it..
philosophers have argued about it..
preachers have preached about it..
academics have tried to study it..
singers have sung about it..
. . . but are we any closer to really understanding it?
in one sense, the "answer" to all of the major problems in the world - racism, violence, war, oppression, environmental destruction, and so on - is known, and it's exactly the same for all of them: "love each other."
but no cheesy, hokey, sentimental, emotional and melodramatic swell of affection and good intentions is really going to accomplish, change, or affect much of anything at all..
one way we think about it is this:
several hundred years ago, lightning wasn't understood the way it is today..all people knew was that . . . well, for some strange reason, huge bolts of powerful fire would blast down from the sky, randomly, for no apparent reason, and absolutely incinerate whatever random thing it hit.
kind of like the way "love" is often seen nowadays:
it's very powerful, it's completely random and unpredictable, it's mysterious, and when it "strikes" - more often than not - it does a lot of damage..
we eventually understood lightning, harnessed its power, and developed electricity..
. . . and some day . . . if we are able to keep going . . .
. . . we too might understand.
and become true lovers..
-whatever that means..
now let's get down to business..
in regards to "love", we know that preaching about it doesn't work…telling people they "should" love is something like telling people they "should" be hungry, or itch, or laugh. It just doesn't work that way..
so, then, what does work?
this has been an immensely difficult task - but what i've found so far . . .
. . . is this.
in order to understand anything
you need to understand everything."
- richard rosefirst of all, like i’ve said, preaching about it definitely doesn't work.
. . . and further,becoming wiser about it does..people nowadays often think that "love" happens "naturally," that it should be easy and effortless (somewhat like, for example, walking along and getting struck by lightning)..i disagree..pick up a history book..it seems to us that war, violence, resentment and antagonism are what actually happen "naturally",and the kind of "love" that folks tend to "fall into" ..well, it's normally not too long before they seem to "fall" right back out of it..so, if it doesn't happen naturally . . . what's the alternative?
to get to work..
how? well, for starters, this means becoming better and better at sorting out the real thing from all the imposters that pretend to be the real thing..for example, in many cases, what is often disguised as "love" is actually, sooner or later, revealed to be an imposter - an imposter such as desire, need, insecurity, dependency, emotion, fear of loneliness, a need to be needed, or just plain horniness..and so on.
and often, it's a matter of developing a sharper and sharper eye at spotting the phony things and just backing away from them - because what's eventually left is the real thing..and how to get started with that?
this process has something to do with what is called "spiritual enlightenment," thought that we should delve into that madness here . . .
- and have also tossed in a few stellar bonus materials - such as Krishnamurti, Kahlil Gibran, and Barry Long as well..and then, armed with a certain amount of knowledge, there comes the hard part: applying it out in the world.
for example, one of the best tests of love is whether or not you can still do it in a traffic jam..this means learning how to deal with stress..
and speaking of stress, there's probably no area more stressful than dating and all the grief and drama that entails..because this often leads to yet another matter - something that can become, depending on how you use it, a doorway to heaven . . . or a doorway to hell: s e x.
.. which is a huge part of yet another huge topic than can be the same doorway: m a r r i a g e.
. . . which is all really part of the hurricane
that surrounds those mysterious experiences called "i n t i m a c y".
. . . and often what you find when the real work begins:
if you really want to know "love" then you've really got to know yourself.
. . . and this means having a pretty solid sense of who you are and why you're here . . .
. . . which brings up the whole question of "God" . . .
. . . which means dealing with the one thing that many folks say is standing in between "you" and "IT": your very own "ego."
. . .
la la la la..dizzy? i could go on forever - babbling..