anx·i·ety \aŋ-ˈzī-ə-tē\ n, pl -eties [L anxietas, fr. anxius] (ca. 1525)
1 a: painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind usu. over an impending or anticipated ill
b: fearful concern or interest
c: a cause of anxiety
2: an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.
I remember that I often use my artist mood as an excuse every time I feel like I want to press my own mute button. I've been going through some rough times lately. I've always been and always will be - NOT the type of person who enjoys going rounds in circles just for the sake of talking. I would rather shut off and work things out within myself.
Being a mother and trying to be the best wife at the same time is slowly starting to put a toll on me. I don't understand why. For this has always been my dream ever since I was a lil girl and playing mother to my dolls was always the best.
Maybe I'm trying so hard. Or Maybe I'm not at all?
Shouldn't it come so naturally?! I mean it's not like I only have one child? I have 3. And it's not like this is my first relationship? I've had my share on that part.
Hormones, or not hormones. I'm dealing with some major stress lately. Issues with my family back home. With this one, I think it's guilt. I feel guilty every time I think how poor I have expressed my appreciation to my family. I wasn't the easiest child to raise. But I was loved and understood. And now that I'm older and somewhat-wiser, looking back to the past, I am not certain if I could have handled myself better than they did. I'm grateful.
I pray for my uncle who was diagnosed of Parkinson's disease. My heart breaks just by the thought of it. He was my best buddy growing up. Oh God, he was so good to me. And I love him with all I am. But He will be alright. I pray to God to spare him from any pain and suffering. And to bless his mind with clarity and control.
I wish I know how to express myself better.
I wish I'm a better communicator.
I wish I'm a better mother.
I wish I'm a better wife.
But guess what's the best part? Every day is an opportunity to learn. To be better. To be happier. To be my best. Because I have it in me. I just have to clear my mind. Clear My soul from any hindrance and doubt.
I am in control of myself.
I Really miss performing. You think that's it?
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